


SVS2-08: Past Imperfect

by Ceares



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Drama, Episode Related, M/M, Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 07:16:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/795339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceares/pseuds/Ceares
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This time it's a piece of Blair's past that shows  up, bringing trouble and a few surprises.</p>
            </blockquote>





	SVS2-08: Past Imperfect

## SVS2-08: Past Imperfect

by Ceares

Author's website:  <http://www.squidge.org/5Senses/>

The Sentinel Slash Virtual Season (SVS) is based on characters and concepts developed by, and belonging to, Pet Fly Productions. The episodes of SVS are intended for private, personal enjoyment only. No money is being made, or will be allowed to be made, by any of the SVS authors or by FiveSenses, Inc. from the writing and distribution of these episodes. Any original characters introduced in an SVS episode belongs to the episode author and to FiveSenses, Inc. and should not be used without their permission.

Note on Safe Sex: Episodes of SVS may contain depictions of consensual m/m sex. These depictions may or may not be accompanied by specific mention of items necessary for safe and healthy intercourse. It is the intention of FiveSenses, Inc. and all SVS authors that, even when such items are not explicitly mentioned, their use is to be assumed as a matter of course. All of us at FiveSenses, Inc. are aware of the risks of unprotected sex in today's world and strongly advocate the practice of safe sex, including the use of condoms and other protective devices.

This story is a sequel to: SVS2-07: A LIttle Fault's a Bitter Sting 

* * *

Author's Note: This is the longest story I've done so far, and it wasn't easy. Thanks to Felicia for the the ideas and to WoD and the Exec Com for being patient with me. 

Author's E-mail: Ceares@yahoo.com 

Author's Webpage: None 

* * *

**PAST IMPERFECT**  
by Ceares 

"Did you bring it?" 

The man flinched slightly as the bright beam of the flashlight settled on his face, effectively blinding him from seeing who held it. "Of course. Do you have the money?" 

A shadowy figure stepped from behind the light and laid a silver briefcase on the picnic table. 

The man -- eager, but not stupid -- waited until the figure retreated before he stepped forward, popping the lock and raising the top slightly. He stifled a gasp as he saw the rows of green staring up at him. Imitating a hundred action movies, he picked up a stack and thumbed through it. 

"What's the matter, Mark, don't you trust me?" The silky tones contained just a hint of sarcasm. 

"No offense, Mr. Donovan, but you are a criminal." 

"And what exactly do you think blackmail makes you?" 

Mark shrugged, closing the briefcase and setting it on the floor at his feet. "Rich." 

"My book, please." 

Mark reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a black leather-bound organizer, tossing it onto the picnic table. "Nice doing business with you." 

He grabbed the briefcase and turned back toward his car, never seeing the tiny red dot that centered on the back of his head. A nearly silent pop floated across the air, answered by the dull thud of his body hitting the ground. 

"Goddamnit! This isn't it!" 

"What!" 

"This isn't the book. Oh, it's a pretty good copy, but it's not the real thing. Shit!" 

"Motherfucker! I ought to kill that son of a bitch again." 

Donovan shook his head. "Take him for a boat ride, then do whatever you have to, but find that book. Otherwise, you'll be joining him." 

* * *

The strident sound of the phone bisected the sharp moan of pleasure emanating from upstairs in the otherwise silent loft. 

"Shit!" 

"If you stop and answer that, I'll kill you." 

"It could be important, Chief." 

"Okay, let me rephrase that. If you stop, you won't get laid for a month." 

"On the other hand, that's what the machine is for." 

"Good choice." 

Downstairs the ringing stopped, and the caller was exhorted to leave a message at the sound of the beep. 

An hour later, sated and showered, Blair rewound the machine. 

" _Hey, what's up, guys? Drop off the face off the earth or what? I haven't seen you down at the center lately. I've got a new fighter you need to check out. Anyway, Blair, I got a call from an old friend of you and Roy. Natalie Barrett. I told her she could reach you at the PD. I hope that's cool. I expect to see you guys down here soon. Bye._ " 

Blair felt his lover's presence behind him a second before strong arms wrapped around his waist, and a soft mouth dropped with unerring accuracy to the sweet spot in the curve of Blair's neck. 

"So, what did Jamie want?" 

Blair leaned back, savoring the feel of the strong arms around him, the familiar and comforting pose momentarily soothing the disquiet he'd been experiencing since he heard the last part of Jamie's message. 

"You listened anyway, didn't you?" 

"Just to the first part. I heard Jamie's voice, and it didn't sound urgent, so..." 

Blair was proud of the way Jamie had gotten himself together after his brother's death. He'd used the money he inherited from Roy to open a training center for young boxers, giving them the chance Roy had struggled so hard for. "He says he has a new boxer for us to check out." 

"Hmm, we haven't been to the center in while. We'll have to head over on our next day off. So, what else?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"Well, I don't think a chance to check out the next Tyson has you all tied in knots, so what's going on?" 

Blair sighed, at once rejoicing and despairing in having a partner that knew him so well. "He mentioned running into a woman I used to know back when." 

"Know in the biblical sense?" 

"Yeah." 

Jim turned Blair around in his arms, grinning down at him. "I'd think they would number in the thousands, Chief; what's different about this one?" 

"Come on, man, you know half my reputation is obfuscation." 

"Yeah, well, it's the other half I'm worried about." 

"Yeah, well, no worries mate." His fake Aussie accent brought a smile to his partner's face. 

"You'd better not let Megan hear you." 

Blair grinned. "I'm not scared of her. I've still got that grudge match all lined up and ready to go." 

They both laughed, neither acknowledging that Blair had never answered the question. 

* * *

"Hey, Blair." 

Blair looked up from the report he was typing, to find Joel giving him an odd look. "What's up, Joel?" 

"I, ah, have a voice mail that belongs to you." 

"To me?" 

Joel nodded with a small grin, "Yeah, Taggert, Sandburg, what's the difference, right?" 

Despite the joke, Joel appeared to be slightly uncomfortable, and Blair wondered what was going on as Joel punched in his pass code and handed the receiver to Blair. 

" _Blair, it's Natalie... I know it's been a long time, but I'm in Cascade for a few days, and I'd really like to see you. I'm at 555-2131, room 270. Please call me._ " 

Although Jamie had mentioned he'd given her the number, a part of Blair had been hoping he'd never receive a call. Natalie Barrett was a part of his past that he'd conveniently shoved to the back of his mind, and he'd have been perfectly happy to leave her there. He really wasn't proud of the whole situation with her, and he _so_ did not want to have to explain to Jim about it. Honestly, he would rather have ignored her call, but something in her voice made him think this was more than just a reunion. 

He jotted down the number and returned to his desk to make the call, conscious of Joel watching him surreptitiously. 

"Everything okay, Blair?" 

Blair nodded. "Yeah, just somebody I used to know." 

* * *

Blair reached up and straightened the knot on Jim's tie before stepping back to admire the image before him. Dressed in a gunmetal gray suit and a tie that matched his eyes, his partner looked every bit the country club kid he used to be. 

"You nervous?" 

"Hell, yeah. Can you imagine the nightmare of an Ellison family dinner?" 

Blair winced inwardly, but pinned a hopeful look on his face for Jim's sake. "It might not be that bad." 

Jim cocked one brow in patent disbelief. "Sure, my mother, my father and my brother all in the same place at the same time. It's one of the seven signs of the apocalypse." 

Blair grinned. "You'll survive." 

"Sure, easy for you to say. You're going to be off enjoying dinner with some beautiful woman from your past." 

Blair was about to return a smart-ass remark, but he paused as he caught something in Jim's tone. "Hey, you're okay with this, right, man?" 

Jim frowned. "No. I wish you were going to be with me tonight, and I wish there were no beautiful women in your past." 

"Come on, man, that's not fair; I didn't corner the market on beautiful women in our collective past, Jim." 

Jim sighed, "I know it's not fair, Chief; it's just how I feel." 

"If you're really uncomfortable with this, I'll cancel out." A part of Blair was hoping Jim said yes, just to have an excuse not to go. 

"Nah, I'm a big boy, right?" He took Blair's chin in his grasp, tilting his head up so their eyes met. "Seriously, Chief, go and find out what Natalie wants. I'll survive the night of the living Ellisons. Just ignore that brief moment of insecurity." 

"I don't want to, man -- what brought it on? Surely not Natalie." 

"No, just... do you miss it? Them?" 

"What? Smooth, perfumed skin? Round, full breasts? Soft curves?" Blair shook his head, lacing his hands behind Jim's neck. "Not for a minute. Not for a second. Not for a teeny, tiny, millimeter of a nanosecond." 

The last vestiges of doubt that had rested in Jim's heart floated away as Blair's mouth met his. 

* * *

Blair looked around the diner he'd chosen when Natalie requested some place casual. It was a fairly new place, but it was establishing a good word of mouth. It was situated at a nice midway point between the University and the station, and Blair had been meaning to try it out with Jim. 

"Blair!" 

A cloud of perfume enveloped him at the same time as a slender frame pressed against his. Natalie pulled back and Blair was struck by how little she had changed in the past ten years. About an inch taller than he was, with a willowy, dancer's build, cafe-au-lait skin and light auburn curls that fell past her shoulders, Natalie still looked like the exuberant freshman he and Roy had met that summer. 

Only her eyes showed the passage of time. The deep brown eyes were no longer innocent. Blair saw pain and knowledge reflected there. He couldn't help but feel a pang for his part in that lost innocence. 

"This is my son Jesse." 

Blair glanced down at the small, sturdy figure standing next to her. Natalie's eyes looked up at him from a face framed by hair cut close to control thick curls. 

"Hello." A small hand was held out solemnly, and Blair shook it. 

"Hi, Jesse, it's nice to meet you." 

A quick mischievous grin flashed out, and Blair found himself responding involuntarily with one of his own. 

They got a booth toward the back of the restaurant where it was quieter, and Natalie slid into one side, with Jesse next to her, while Blair slid into the other. Their waitress came, bringing water and bread sticks, and took their orders. 

"So, Jamie tells me you're working with the police?" 

Blair nodded. "Yeah, going on five years now." 

"Cool!" Jesse piped in. "Do you have a gun and a badge?" 

Blair smiled at the enthusiastic kid. "Nah, just a consultant's pass, but I get to help out on a lot of cases." He ran through one of their less violent cases, emphasizing the casework. Jesse asked some intelligent questions, with Natalie throwing in a comment from time to time, but mostly just watching them. After they finished eating, she dug out a handful of quarters and let Jesse loose on the video games in the back of the restaurant. 

"He's a really nice kid. How old is he?" 

"Thanks. He's nine." 

From Jesse's size, Blair had thought he was a bit younger. Natalie must have met someone right after she'd gone home that summer. An awkward silence hovered over them for a moment. 

Natalie opened her mouth, then shook her head slightly, closing it again. Blair waited for her to bring up whatever it was he sensed she wanted to say, but she seemed to change her mind. "I was surprised when I found out you were still in Cascade. I thought you'd be in the jungle or on top of a mountain somewhere, studying some lost tribe." 

His fondest dream at one time now seemed like it belonged to someone else. In a way it did. He'd been another person before he met his Sentinel. Although he sometimes missed that other Blair, he knew he was meant to be with Jim, as his guide, his partner, his lover. "Sometimes life puts us exactly where we need to be." 

Natalie nodded. "I'm glad you're happy, Blair." She paused. "Jamie told me you handled Roy's... the case with Roy." 

Blair nodded. "We kind of got caught up in it accidentally." 

"That must have been hard on you. I know how close the two of you were." 

"Yeah." Blair thought of the man who'd been his friend. A part of him still ached for the years they'd been out of contact, and the lost chance to renew that friendship. "We hadn't seen each other in a while, but, yeah." 

* * *

Cascade Towers was as nice as Jim remembered from their aborted dinner with Megan when she'd first arrived. Of course after watching his mother and father talk around each other, and Stephen fiddling nervously with everything from the silverware to the salt shaker, he had a feeling he wouldn't harbor any fond memories of the place. 

"How's Blair?" The question came from Grace, and Jim smiled. His mother was genuinely fond of his partner. 

"He's fine." 

"Too bad he couldn't make dinner." This from William, but lacking the easy sincerity of Grace's comments. Jim laid down his menu, and looked over at his father. _Oh yeah, he'll kick himself for missing this barrel of laughs._

"An old friend of his is in town and he's having dinner with her." 

There was another awkward silence, and then Stephen stepped into the breach with an anecdote from his job. Soon he was telling Grace about the incident with the three sisters, the event that had led to Jim being outed to both his father and brother. 

While Stephen had adjusted admirably, William was still reserved. Jim supposed he should be glad his father was at least making an effort to deal with it. Grace made a comment about her sons being irresistible, sending somewhat restrained laughter around the table. Nevertheless, it was a genuine moment, and it struck Jim that he was having dinner with three people he'd thought out of his life forever. Now they were all getting a second chance -- something he would never have thought possible five years ago. Something that would not have _been_ possible without Sandburg. Yet another reason to love him; he'd not only created a new family with Jim, he'd given him the old one back. Jim sat back and his previously tasteless steak took on new flavor. Suddenly, dinner wasn't so bad. 

* * *

Blair was sitting on the couch, socked feet propped up on the coffee table, idly surfing through channels when Jim got home. The first thing his partner did after tossing his keys in the basket was to walk to the couch and lean down, capturing Blair's mouth for a long, slow, wet kiss. When he pulled back, they were both slightly breathless. 

"Well, Heeello Nurse! What brought that on?" 

Jim just shook his head, settling down on the couch and snuggling next to Blair with a contented sigh. 

"That bad, huh?" 

"Actually, not. I'll tell you about it later. How was your dinner?" 

Now it was Blair's turn to shake his head. "Kind of weird. I mean, even for us, weird. I haven't seen her in what... ten years? She makes an effort to track me down, and then just... nothing." 

"What do you mean, nothing?" 

"We didn't part on the best of terms, yet she acted like we'd just seen each other last week or something -- plus I am definitely getting a trouble vibe from her, man." 

"So what? You figure she tracked you down for a reason other than catching up with an old friend?" 

"Yeah, but whatever it was, she didn't bring it up. Introduced me to her son, we had a pleasant dinner, said keep in touch, and that was it." 

"Maybe she changed her mind about whatever it was." 

Blair shrugged. "I guess so. The thing is, it's not like we _were_ friends, not really." He paused for a moment before trying to explain to his best friend and lover. "I mean, before you, friendship wasn't a big part of my sexual relationships. Don't get me wrong, I liked all the women I was involved with, but whenever I'd meet a woman, the idea of sex was always in the back of my head." 

Jim snorted. "Why am I not surprised, Chief. I always figured any woman too young to be your grandmother and too old to be your daughter was fair game for you." 

That earned him a soft pop on the head. "Despite what you think, I wasn't that much of a horn dog, man." Another snort. "Okay, a little bit of one, maybe. But what I mean is, with women, there was always the possibility of that lurking in the back of my skull, whereas with you, the friendship was there, and solid, long before I began lusting after your stunning body." 

Jim reached over and took the remote from Blair's lax hand. He snapped off the TV. "Put your money where your mouth is, Chief, and let's see some examples of this so called lust." 

Blair stood up, pulling his lover up with him and into a deep kiss. "Last one up the stairs springs for the new supply of lube." 

* * *

Blair watched the numbers increase slowly, a tiny hitch of relief running through him when he heard the "ding, swish" that indicated the doors opening for the sixth floor. A strong, reassuring hand at his back calmed the tiny part of him that was always afraid that some day the doors wouldn't open. 

"It's nice to have one resolve itself like that for a change. I _so_ do not like spending my days getting shot at." 

They'd left the loft early, planning to stop for breakfast before work, when the call had come over the radio. Fortunately, the ring of counterfeiters the police had cornered in their warehouse printing press had exchanged only a brief round of fire, before giving up, and no one had gotten hurt. 

"Yeah, well, we still have all that paperwork to do. I'd almost prefer the bullets." 

Blair's grin disappeared as they walked through the doors of Major Crimes and he saw the frantic woman at his desk. 

"Blair!" Natalie ran across the room and threw herself into his arms, eliciting stares of surprise from the various people surrounding them. 

"Natalie. What's going on?" Blair looked over at his desk, to find Jesse staring at them, his eyes wide. 

Natalie raised her head from his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Blair. I just..." She took a deep breath, trying to regain her composure. 

"Jesse, come here a minute, buddy." Blair laid a comforting hand on the boy's head when he reached his mother's side. "Jesse, this is my partner Jim." 

"Hi, Jesse." 

"Sir." A tiny hand was engulfed in a large one in a solemn shake. 

"Jesse, I need to talk to your mother for a little bit. Would you do me a big favor and go with Jim?" He smiled reassuringly at the child. "He'll show you the games on our Captain's computer, and you can show him how to play them." 

"Mama?" Jesse's voice was tentative as he picked up on the tension radiating from his mother. 

Natalie knelt down and pulled her son into a hug. "It's okay, baby, you go with Jim. I just need a few minutes to discuss something with Blair." 

Blair waited until Jim and Jesse had closed the door of Simon's office before he turned back to Natalie. "Come on, we need some place private." 

An empty interrogation room offered the most privacy, and, after securing the door to the outer room, Blair followed Natalie in. 

"Tell me what this is about, Natalie?" 

She walked over to the two-way mirror, staring intently, as if she could see past the reflective glass. "I have a favor to ask you, but first, you should know. Jesse might be your son." 

Her soft words ricocheted through Blair's head, and he replayed them over and over again, trying to make sense of what she was saying. 

"I'm sorry, Blair. I didn't want it to be like this, but I don't have time..." She trailed off, turning to face him with stark fear in her eyes. "I need you to take Jesse." 

Blair sat down. The way he was feeling, he'd have hit the floor otherwise. "Natalie..." 

She sat down next to him. "Please, Blair. I know it's a lot to ask, but I need to know he is safe. I swear it won't be more than a week. Just until I can find out... until I can get something taken care of." 

Blair responded to her distress, pushing his shock to the side for the time being. "Natalie." He took her hands in his. "I don't know what's going on, but something obviously has you scared to death, and I'm not letting you face it alone. Let us keep you safe too." 

At his words, she broke down, sobbing on his shoulder as he drew her into his arms. 

"Oh God, Blair, I don't know what to do." 

"Shh, it's okay. It will be okay now. I promise." He gently stroked her back, calming her. 

* * *

Back in the bullpen, Blair had a word with Megan, then glanced toward Simon's office. Simon still hadn't returned from his budget meeting, but Jim had indeed managed to find the stash of computer games on the Captain's computer. Manual dexterity and stress relief were the excuses the captain had given Blair when he'd had the consultant install them. 

Jesse was fiercely slaughtering space aliens when Blair called Jim quietly under his breath. Jim stood up with a whispered word to Jesse, and came out, holding the door open for Megan, who took his spot. Blair saw her mouth moving and an immediate smile appear on Jesse's face as she picked up the other controller. 

"What's going on, Chief?" Jim tried to keep his voice neutral, not letting any of the jealousy he was feeling seep through. He knew it was irrational. He didn't doubt Blair's love for him, but a beautiful woman in distress, with a child, brought out the 'knight in shining armor' in Blair, and touched a part of him that Jim never could. 

"What's going on is a piece of the past coming back to bite me in the ass, man." Blair sighed, looking away from his partner. "I didn't tell you everything about Natalie." 

"What do you mean?" 

"Roy and I met Natalie one summer. She was in Cascade visiting her father, before her freshman year in college." 

"So you hooked up with her?" 

Blair nodded. "Sort of. The thing is, Roy and I both clicked on her. At first it was just a little friendly rivalry, you know, but -- I don't know, at some point the game got to be more important than the girl. Long story short, Natalie was the one who wound up losing in the end. We hurt her pretty badly. She took off for home early, and that was that. Ever since then I've made sure that every woman I've been with knew the deal -- except Maya." Regret shadowed his features briefly. 

"Chief, Maya wasn't your fault." 

Blair shrugged, not wanting to argue the point with Jim. "Even so, Natalie was. I was young, man, but that's no excuse. She deserved better. I don't know exactly what's going on with her, Jim, but she needs help." 

"And you feel like you owe her." 

Blair nodded, his expression asking for understanding. 

Jim sighed, knowing Blair was already involved, and that meant he was too. "Okay, we'll see what we can do, Chief." 

"Jim, that's not all." 

Jim could hear Blair's heart beating almost double time, and there was something in his voice that froze the Sentinel in his tracks. Blair's blue eyes met his, and there were a thousand things in them. 

"Her son, Jesse. Natalie said he could be my child." 

Jim looked as stunned as Blair still felt. The whole thing had changed from just a bad love affair to something a lot more, and Blair knew he owed Jim the whole tale. 

"Chief, I think it's time to make a short story long." 

Blair nodded. "I know. Later, I promise." 

* * *

"I moved to Atlanta about a year ago, then about six months ago, I started working for Donovan Imports. I met Mark my second week there. He worked in purchasing, and he was always down in the lobby, waiting on deliveries, and signing for stuff. We hit it off right away. He was smart and sweet and he and Jesse got along great. I thought finally my luck with men had changed." She sighed. "Two months ago, he asked me to marry him. He said he was working on something for our future, but he wouldn't say what. Then one day I came back from lunch early and Mark was arguing with Mr. Donovan. When I asked him what was going on, he finally told me that Donovan Enterprises was into some illegal stuff, and that Mr. Donovan was going to pay a lot of money to keep that quiet." 

Natalie shook her head. "I never even had a clue. I know it was stupid, but he seemed so sure everything would work out. Just another cost of doing business he said, so I let him convince me that everything was going to be okay, and now..." 

Jim leaned forward. "You think something happened to him?" 

Natalie nodded. "I think maybe so. I know he'd try and contact me if he could. He wouldn't have just disappeared like this, without a word. I didn't know what to do. All I could think about was getting Jesse some place safe, and then I could figure out what to do about Mark. I knew Roy had relatives here, and I was hoping to contact him. When I found Sweet Roy's, I thought I'd lucked out, until Jamie told me what happened." She glanced at Blair. "Then he mentioned you. Like I told you, I thought you'd be somewhere in outer Timbuktu." 

"So you called me." 

"Yeah. I wanted to say something at dinner, but I didn't want to just throw it at you." She smiled ruefully. "Kind of the way I did, huh? I thought I'd have some time. Nobody knows about that summer I spent here, not even Mark." 

Jim sat, watching Natalie as she continued to talk. Half of him was listening to her story; the other half was grappling with the fact that she could be the mother of Blair's child, and wondering what it would mean for all of them if it was true. 

"Last night, when I got back from the restaurant, somebody had been in my hotel room. Searched it. I was so scared, I didn't know what to do; I only knew how to reach you through the station. I took Jesse, and we went to an all night diner and just sat there, until morning; then I came here." 

Blair put a hand on shoulder. "I'm going to take you and Jesse to our place. We'll look into this, Natalie, see what we can find out. And in the meantime you'll be safe there." 

She gave him a smile filled with gratitude as they left the room and started down the hall. Blair stopped and turned back to Jim, a hand on his arm. "I'm sorry, man." 

Jim shook his head. "Don't be sorry, Chief, you've still got a ways to go before you top me on the _dark and hidden past_ front. Go get them settled. It's not like it's going anywhere. We'll work it out." 

* * *

Jim stayed at the station, starting a search on Emil Donovan immediately, while Blair took Natalie and Jesse to the loft, getting them settled in his old room. Jesse immediately curled up on the bed and was asleep in minutes. They both stood in the doorway watching him for a moment before moving quietly back into the living room. 

Natalie shook her head, wrapping her arms around her stomach. "My poor baby. He only got a few hours sleep last night, in the booth. I think he's been running on pure adrenaline." 

"From the looks of it, you have too. Why don't you lie down with him and try and get some rest, Natalie?" Blair walked to the door. "I'll set the alarm before I head back. Jim is number one on speed dial, and I'm two if you need anything at all. I'll get a unit to do a regular drive by to keep an eye on things. You'll be safe here." 

Natalie nodded, giving him a brief hug "Thank you so much, Blair." 

About an hour later, Blair got back to the station to find Jim gone with Megan to check out a lead on one of her cases. Simon came back and called a briefing, and they wound up grabbing something to eat at their desk, trying to finish up some pending paperwork, so all in all, they didn't get a minute really alone the rest of the day. A part of Blair was glad since he was dreading explaining to his partner. 

They were both silent until Jim pulled he truck up at the first stop light down from the station. 

Jim looked over at his partner. "Chief, you know I love you. _You_ , the good and the bad, and there's nothing you can tell me that's gonna change that." 

"I know, it's just... I'm really not proud of that summer." Blair sighed, looking out the window. "I told you Roy and I met Natalie at the same time. It was not too long after we'd met, and we were still, I don't know, testing the friendship boundaries, I guess. I was about what... five steps from geekdom, and Roy was trying to rise through the ranks and raise Jamie at the same time. It was this big ego rush, having Natalie interested in us. I don't even know how the contest developed but it escalated badly, to the point where Natalie believed we both really loved her. She wasn't close to her family. That summer was the first time she'd seen her father in years." He gave a bitter laugh. "She was a young girl looking for love, and we were two jerks trying to out-Romeo each other." 

"What happened?" 

"Roy _won_ her. There was no way he was planning on a serious relationship though, not at that point in his life, and he kind of pulled back. Natalie turned to me, her other devoted suitor. I tried, man, but the heart wants what the heart wants, and Natalie wasn't it. I think she realized even before she heard me and Roy talking about the situation, but it was finding out about the contest that tore her up man." 

"And now there's Jesse." 

Blair nodded. "Yeah, and now there's Jesse." 

"How do you feel about it?" 

Blair shook his head. "I don't know, man. I always figured I'd have kids someday, but only in that sort of vague _it's what everybody does_ way. I was always careful, even with Natalie, but nothing is a hundred percent." 

"And she's not sure if it's you or Roy?" 

"Yeah." He sighed. "In a way, I'd prefer it was me, I mean with Roy dead, you know?" Blair glanced over at his partner as they pulled into the parking lot. "So how would you feel about being a step dad?" 

* * *

Natalie showed her surprise when she realized that Jim lived at the loft with Blair. She cast a slightly shocked look upstairs. "Oh, I didn't realize... I ah... I'd better go wake up Jesse for dinner." 

Jim and Blair glanced at each other, adding yet another potential problem to the roster. 

Dinner was fairly rowdy, with Blair and Jesse exchanging terrible puns, and knock-knock jokes older than both of them. After dinner, Blair and Jesse parked themselves in front of the television, identical expressions of intensity on their faces as they watched a documentary on wolves. During the commercial breaks, Jesse's light voice and Blair's deeper one intermingled in eager discussion of Jesse's plans to be a zoologist, or a marine biologist. 

Jim felt a pang as he watched the two of them together. His feelings about parenthood were as ambivalent as Blair's. He watched Natalie watch them as well, a wistful expression on her face that tied his guts in knots. Blair would make a great father, and he wondered if Natalie was thinking the same thing. 

After a while he stood up. "Natalie, why don't I drive you back to the hotel to get the rest of your things?" 

On the way there, he told her what their inquiries about her boss had turned up so far. There were rumors mostly, but enough to indicate that Mark had been telling the truth. Donovan was involved in some seriously shady stuff. 

Natalie sighed. "And my spectacularly bad luck continues. Can you believe it was a temp job? So what's next?" 

"We start trying to track your friend." Jim glanced over at her. "We may have to contact the Atlanta police, Natalie." 

Natalie nodded in acknowledgment. "I just hate to... I mean, if he's okay, then I'm going to be stirring up a lot of trouble. It's just, everything seems sort of surreal now. I guess it's because I finally feel safe thanks to you and Blair. It has me wondering if I'm overreacting." 

"What about your room?" 

"Maybe it was just a robbery instead. Just more of my bad luck." 

Jim acknowledged the possibility, but he had a feeling Natalie's initial response had been the correct one. 

"Maybe I'm an idiot, and he really did just leave without me." 

There was a sort of sweet sadness about her that engendered Jim's sympathy and smothered any remaining feelings of jealousy he'd harbored. "If he left without you, Natalie, he's the idiot." 

She gave him a warm smile. "Thank you." 

The hotel was full of people milling around the lobby when they arrived. They bypassed the front desk and headed straight for the elevators. Jim scanned the room briefly while Natalie hurriedly packed her and Jesse's things. It was obvious someone had been there. Drawers were opened, a lamp turned over. It could have been a robbery attempt. Nothing stood out to say the room had been deliberately searched, and he couldn't extend his senses too much with Natalie there, but Jim was even more sure she was on the right track. 

"Hold on a minute, let me check out. They've got some kind of convention going, so I'm sure they'll be glad to get the room early." 

Jim leaned against a pillar, out of the way of the crowd, while Natalie went to the front desk. He concentrated on fighting back the headache the noise and congestion in the small area was giving him. 

A large group all came through the door at the same time, laughing and talking, smelling strongly of cigarettes and beer. They crossed his view of the front desk for a moment, but it was long enough for Natalie to be gone by the time they'd passed. 

"Shit!" Her bags were still parked at the counter. "Excuse me, there was a woman here, just checking out. Ms. Barrett." The desk clerk glanced up, her weary expression perking up immediately at the sight of the gorgeous man in front of her. 

"Uhm, oh yes. She was talking to a friend of hers. I'm sure she'll be right back; she left her receipt." 

Jim closed his eyes and tried to focus. He wished like hell his partner were here. He was taking the chance of zoning with all the input around him. "Come on, Natalie, say something, help me out here." 

He stepped away from the desk and turned down the corridor that led to the first floor rooms. It was quieter there, and that made it easier for him to isolate sounds. In the end, it wasn't her voice, but her name that caught his attention. 

"...boss isn't real happy, Natalie. That's not the mark of a good employee." 

He followed the voice out the door leading to the pool and gazebo area. There were a few people out here as well, and it took Jim a moment to orient on where the sounds were coming from. 

The smell of gun oil and fear were a sudden double assault on his senses. His eyes traveled instinctively to where Natalie was standing, partially in the shadows of the gazebo. A tall, olive-skinned man stood next to her, whispering intently. 

"Please, Silvas... don't." Natalie's whisper was stark with terror. The crowd between them shifted slightly, and Jim caught the glint of light off the barrel of the gun pressed to Natalie's side. He edged his way slowly toward them, not wanting to spook her assailant. His own gun was loose from his holster and tucked against his leg. 

A cacophony startled them all as the doors opened behind Jim, emitting the large group that had come in through the lobby. Volume on high, Jim flinched at the sudden pain assaulting his ears. Less than three feet away, he fought through the echo of sound, shaking his head like a baited bull. 

Frightened brown eyes met his pleadingly at the same time the man holding her noticed his presence. They all froze in a tableau for a moment, before motion quick-started. 

The guy yanked Natalie around, shoving her toward Jim, effectively blocking his pursuit as the guy took off through the back gate. Jim gave a moment's thought to following, but he didn't want to leave Natalie alone. He turned his attention back to the shivering woman next to him, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. 

"Are you okay?" 

Natalie nodded. "That was... He..." 

"It's okay. Let's get back to the loft. We need to talk." 

* * *

"That was Silvas. He's Mr. Donovan's assistant." 

Blair sat forward on the sofa. "Natalie, you know we are definitely going to have to contact the Atlanta police now. This isn't something Jim and I can handle." 

She nodded, bowing to the inevitable. "Yeah, I guess trouble is already stirred, huh. I don't know what I'm going to do." 

"You and Jesse have a home here for as long as it takes to get all this sorted out, Natalie." Blair reached over and placed a comforting hand on Natalie's shoulder. Jim's hand was at his back, a solid reminder of the love and support his partner offered. 

She looked between the two of them, her eyes filling with tears. A hand pressed against her mouth to stifle the sobs threatening to escape. "You must think I'm a terrible mother. I do sometimes. I mean what kind of woman doesn't even know who the father of her child is?" She shook her head. "I know I make bad decisions, about men, and jobs. I drag him around from place to place, looking for God knows what. And now this. I've graduated to putting him in mortal danger." 

She sat up straighter, eyes glistening and fierce. "But I love him more than anything else in this world, and I'd do anything to protect him." 

Jim took her hands in his, squeezing lightly. He found himself remembering a small, red-haired tornado blasting into Simon's office. "Natalie, trust me, in the long run, it's the love that counts. Jesse is an extremely lucky little boy. And we aren't going to let anything happen to him or you." 

* * *

Later that night, Blair snuggled down in Jim's arms, closing his eyes contentedly. He had waited until Natalie and Jesse were tucked in before moving quietly upstairs. He was almost asleep when Jim spoke again. 

"You know who she reminds me of, babe?" 

The sleep that had crept up slowed his, thought process. "Who? Natalie?" 

"Yeah." 

He shook his head slightly, and Jim felt the motion against his chest. 

"Who?" 

"Naomi." 

Blair froze for a moment before he pulled back to stare at his partner. "You're kidding, right?" 

Jim shook his head. "Nope." 

He thought of Natalie, with her fierce protectiveness of Jesse, and even her restless lifestyle. He hadn't seen it before because he had been seeing the Natalie he'd known ten years ago -- but now that Jim mentioned it, there was a definite similarity. Then he thought about the lengths his mother had gone to trying to protect him, and help him, and the results. Blair lay back down with a small shudder. "Whoa, that's scary." 

"Definitely." 

* * *

The next morning, before they could make any calls, a familiar bellow sounded. "Sandburg, Ellison, my office please." 

The two men looked at each other and shrugged, neither taking responsibility for their Captain's less than happy tone. 

"Would either of you gentlemen like to tell me why I have a Federal Agent from Atlanta crawling up my butt regarding somebody named Emil Donovan?" 

"An old... friend of Blair's works for him, and she might be in some trouble. The check we ran on him must have sent up some red flags." 

Simon leaned back against his desk, arms folded. "And you were planning on telling me this exactly when?" 

Blair looked over at Jim who shrugged. He stepped forward using his best 'placate the captain' voice. "You were in that meeting all morning, Simon, and it wasn't really official, we're just trying to help out a friend." 

If the continued frown on Simon's face was any indication, it didn't work. "Yeah, you want to give me details so I don't look like a _complete_ idiot when Agent Dennis comes back this afternoon?" 

Blair sighed. "Natalie, my friend, showed up a couple of days ago. She was obviously scared of something. Her boyfriend is missing." 

"And she thinks her boss has something to do with it?" 

Jim nodded. "Uh-huh. Boyfriend was apparently planning a permanent, paid vacation, courtesy of Mr. Donovan." 

"So how does she know he didn't take it?" Simon folded his arms and leaned back against his desk. 

"Well, seems he was planning on taking her with him." 

The captain arched one dark brow. "Maybe he's suffering from a fear of commitment. It's been known to happen." 

"Maybe, but Natalie thinks something happened to him." 

"Did she report him missing?" 

Blair shook his head. "No. She's spooked. She thought nobody at the job knew about them, and considering she suspected her boss of making him go bye-bye, she kind of wanted to keep it that way. We just convinced her to contact the Atlanta PD." 

Simon nodded. "So, what did you find out during your unofficial search?" 

"Emil Martin Donovan is apparently a pillar of Atlanta society. A poor boy made good. He married his boss's daughter and took over the company, leading it to be one of the top import/export firms in the South. He regularly donates to charities, and is seen at all the right functions with his lovely and devoted wife on his arm." 

"Nice fairy tale, now what's the real story?" 

Jim grinned. "Mr. Donovan is suspected of having Mafia associations and indulging in several illegal activities, including smuggling and money laundering." 

"So boyfriend gets information on boss, and rather than pay him off, boss makes boyfriend disappear?" 

Jim nodded. "That's what we think so far. It's not a lot to go on, but Natalie is genuinely afraid, Simon, and we'd like to help her. Last night, Donovan's _assistant_ showed up at her hotel with a gun." 

"You two don't like things simple, do you?" 

Jim sighed. "You have no idea, Simon." 

* * *

Agent Dennis was ecstatic with the information they gave him, and he insisted on talking to Natalie immediately. Rather than have her bring Jesse back to the station, Jim and Blair escorted the agent to the loft. 

"About a year ago, Mark Richards approached us with an offer to work as an informant on Donovan. He'd provided some information, but truthfully, nothing we could use to convict the man. The last time I saw him, he said he had something big. Big enough to put Donovan away for a long time." Dennis was seated at the table with Natalie, leaning forward intently as he spoke. "Apparently, he had a change of heart, and decided to strike out on his own. Now, I need to know what it is that Donovan wants from you." 

Natalie shook her head, looking stunned at the information. "I don't know... Mark said he had some kind of insurance that would make Mr. Donovan leave us alone, but he never told me what it was." Tears filled her eyes. "He never told me anything I guess." 

Blair reached over and took her hand in his, turning angry eyes on Agent Dennis. "That's enough, man, she's already told you everything she knows." The eager agent had made Natalie repeat the story twice now. 

The FBI man sighed in frustration. "Which helps us not diddly! Look, I want this bastard, and you, Ms. Barrett, are the only thing linking him to Mark's disappearance. He obviously thinks you have what it is he's looking for, and we want him to keep thinking that." 

"What are you saying?" 

Jim stepped closer to his partner and Natalie, forming a protective barrier between the two of them and the other man. "He's saying he wants to use you as bait. Isn't that right, Agent Dennis?" 

"Hell no! Are you crazy?" It was an immediate protest from Blair. "It's not just her we're talking about -- she has a kid, man." 

"She should have thought about that before she got involved in extortion." 

"You son of a..." Blair started to rise, until Natalie laid a restricting hand on his arm. 

"No, he's right. I got not just me, but Jesse in this. It wasn't the money, you know. I love Mark. He was going to do it anyway. My only choice was whether to go with him or not." She looked up at the agent. "I want this to be over, and I want my child to be safe. Whatever I have to do to accomplish that, I'm willing." 

The agent nodded, his expression sympathetic now that his plans were in motion. "The first thing we do is move you to a safe house. Then, in controlled situation, you contact Donovan and tell him you have what he's looking for. Offer to make him the same deal Mark did." 

"They don't go into a safe house without us." The statement came, not from Blair, but from Jim. 

"Detective Ellison, this is a federal case; it is not your jurisdiction. I appreciate the help you've given me in this, but from here on out, it's strictly a government play." 

Arms folded, Jim faced him implacably. "No offense, but we've been involved with government _plays_ before. They don't go without us." 

The agent looked at the way Natalie was clinging to Blair, and decided discretion was the better part of valor. "Well, I guess it won't hurt to have an extra gun. Let me see what I can do." 

* * *

Agent Dennis had gotten them settled at the safe house almost immediately, only giving them enough time to call Simon and let him know what was going on, and to pack. The captain wasn't happy about the situation, but he understood loyalty to a friend, and since he wasn't a particular fan of the Feds either, he told Jim to take as long as he needed. Two agents were assigned to the house, and Dennis called repeatedly to check on things. He was working on getting everything set up for the sting operation. 

Jim and Blair had taken separate rooms, one on either side of Natalie and Jesse, which ruled out any late night trips down the hall, and they were forced to sneak a quick snuggle whenever they could. 

"Man, I miss sleeping with you." 

Jim nodded as he pulled Blair into his arms. Agent Ortiz was in the kitchen consuming her umpteenth cup of coffee, and Agent Baffin was walking around the grounds. With Natalie and Jesse taking a nap upstairs, they had a few minutes alone. 

"It's not the sex, either." Blair issued a soft moan as his partner leaned down and kissed him softly, lightly caressing his full lips with his tongue. "Okay, not _just_ the sex." 

"I know, Chief. I miss holding you at night. I miss you hogging the covers." Jim sat down on the sofa, and pulled Blair down on top of him, the smaller man straddling his lap. 

"God! We sound like we've been separated for weeks instead of a couple of days. It's not like we haven't been separated before." 

Jim nuzzled Blair's strong jaw, working his way down his raspy chin with tiny kisses. "Yeah, but this time we're right next to each other. That makes it worse." 

The startled gasp alerted them to another presence in the room, and they quickly drew apart to see Natalie staring at them in shock. 

"Oh my God. I'm so sorry, I didn't realize..." She turned and rushed out of the room. 

"Shit!" Blair ran a hand through curls tangled by Jim's fingers and slid off his partner's lap reluctantly. "I'd better go ah..." 

Jim nodded, his own frustration evident on his face. 

Blair leaned down and gave Jim another quick kiss before he went to look for Natalie. He found her sitting outside on the deck. "Natalie?" He sat down next to her. 

There was still a hint of shock in her eyes as she turned to look at him. "I'm sorry, Blair. I shouldn't have run out like a blushing virgin. I'm _not_ homophobic, it's just, seeing the two of you like that was... startling." 

"It's okay, Natalie." 

She cast a thoughtful look at him. "Were you and Roy... you know. Is that why?" 

"No." Blair smiled ruefully. "No, this is a rather new occurrence in my life." 

"I don't want to cause any problems for you, Blair. Having an old girlfriend show up on your doorstep can't be easy for Jim. And Jesse..." 

"It really is okay, Natalie. He's fine with this. Jim doesn't have anything to worry about, and he knows it. As far as Jesse is concerned, Jim and I are a package deal. Are you okay with that?" 

Natalie nodded. "Yeah." She gave him a slightly wistful smile. "And Blair, Jim's a lucky guy." 

"One time you wouldn't have that thought that." Blair wished with all his heart he could avoid this conversation, but it was long overdue. Apologies were owed, both for himself, and for Roy, who wasn't here to make them. They'd both regretted their behavior that summer, though they'd been too ashamed and embarrassed at the time to try and contact Natalie. 

"One time, we were young and stupid. _All_ of us, Blair." 

"Still, I'm sorry about that summer, Natalie. Roy and I, we were both real sorry you found out. And even sorrier we started that stupid contest in the first place. If it helps, we really were _both_ interested in you." 

"It does. I think that was the worst part. Thinking that everything the two of you had said and done were all lies just to see who could hook up with me first." Natalie sighed, "In spite of everything, I'm not sorry I have Jesse. He's the best thing I've ever done. I wish I'd come to you sooner, to you and Roy." 

"Why didn't you call us, when you found out?" 

Natalie shook her head. "I told you, young, and stupid, and in my case, selfish. It was _my_ baby. The two of you didn't deserve to know, or you wouldn't care. Neither of which is true. I know that, but then, it was easy to convince myself that Jesse and I were better off without either of you in our lives. Then I met someone, we got engaged, and he was going to be Jesse's father. He never knew about the two of you. He was killed in a car accident. After he died, it was just easier to pretend that Jason really had been Jesse's father. I thought I'd lucked out with Mark. I guess that's why I was willing to go along with what he was doing. I have some kind of bad karma with men, though. From my father on, they usually have a tendency to bail on me, or if I really love them, die. I guess it's holding true to form." 

They sat quietly for a while, the air between them easier, lost in their own thoughts. 

* * *

Jim watched Blair go out after Natalie, hoping that there wasn't a real problem brewing there. He knew he could listen in, but he purposely kept his hearing turned down, giving them some privacy. Not that his hearing had been exactly on the ball a few minutes ago. He'd been so caught up in the feel of his partner in his arms he'd never even heard her approach. 

He did hear the soft tread coming down the stairs this time, though, and he turned to watch Jesse approach him. He and the boy had formed the beginnings of a connection while they had been in Simon's office, and Jim found Jesse to be bright and mature for his age. He remembered being ten and having confusing things going on around you. Unlike him though, Jesse had Natalie to depend on, and now, the boy had Blair, and Jim as well. 

"Hey, Jim." Jesse sat down on the sofa next to him, stretching short legs to the coffee table in an imitation of Jim's posture. 

"Hey, Champ." 

Jesse grinned at the nickname, developed after he'd easily cleared out Simon's top three scores. "Tell me some more about the Chopec?" The conversation had started after Jesse asked about some of the artifacts in the loft. He been fascinated to find out that Jim had actually lived with a tribe for eighteen months as one of them. 

"Well, let's see..." Half Jim's mind was on the conversation, the other half thinking about Jesse and the responsibility that was now in their lives. A responsibility that made the questions he'd been asking himself lately, about his place, and Blair's at the PD, all the more important. 

* * *

"You're sure you know how to contact him?" The tall, whipcord-thin agent was pacing nervously now that everything was nearly set up. 

Natalie had contacted K&D export only to be informed that Mr. Donovan was on a business trip to Cascade. Apparently, he'd decided to supervise Silvas personally. 

Natalie nodded. "Oh yeah, it was a company joke. The most expensive room in the most expensive hotel. He always said anything else, and he might as well sleep in his car." 

They got lucky at the second hotel they called. Donovan was indeed registered in the Presidential suite. 

"Mr. Donovan?" 

"Ah, Natalie. I was hoping you'd call. I hope Silvas didn't frighten you the other day. He was a little overly enthusiastic." The man's soft, polite, southern tones, didn't mask the menace in his voice. 

"Actually, he scared the hell out of me. I almost didn't call." 

There was a pause, and some noise in the background, then the silky tones returned. "Well, I'm glad you did. Silvas tells me you've obtained some protection? Something about a gentleman with a gun. I hope you didn't go to the police, Natalie." 

"No, what would going to the police get me? That was an old boyfriend." Natalie fed him the story they'd come up with. 

A soft chuckle. "Well, it didn't take you long. You're certainly resourceful. Now, I presume you have what I want, so, tell me what _you_ want." 

"I want to make the same deal Mark did, only I'd like to walk away from it." It was a shot in the dark that struck its target. 

The chuckle that followed sent a shiver down Natalie's spine. "Ah yes, poor Mark. Another example of Silva's enthusiasm." 

Natalie's eyes teared up at the confirmation of her fears, and she paused for a moment before continuing. "Well, I'd appreciate it if he wasn't present at our meeting, then. I'd hate for him to get _carried away_ again." 

"You know, I never realized how interesting you were when you worked for me, Natalie. That's a shame. Perhaps, then, you wouldn't have needed Mr. Richards' company." 

Natalie didn't offer a comment, just told him when and where she'd meet him. The spot had been carefully chosen by the FBI, and Agent Dennis had spent the last couple of days making sure it was ready. Natalie wouldn't have to wear a wire, since the whole place was set up for surveillance. 

She hung up the phone, and there was a small snick as the tape recorder disengaged. Agent Dennis was practically doing a happy dance. 

"Yes!" He grabbed Natalie in an impromptu hug. "You were brilliant. We've got that son of a bitch!" 

* * *

Natalie entered the small, nondescript office, and went out through the back door, onto the loading docks. Since it was a Sunday, the company was closed. Natalie had told Donovan her ex-boyfriend worked there, and she would have him leave it open for the meeting. 

She didn't have long to wait before a figure stepped out of the shadows. 

"Did you bring it?" 

"Silvas! I thought Mr. Donovan..." Natalie's shiver at the sight of the other man was genuine fear. Only the knowledge that she was literally surrounded by agents kept her calm. 

"The boss was otherwise occupied." 

"Well, you go back and tell him I'm not dealing if it's not with him." 

"Oh you'll deal all right. I could just kill you right here, you know." 

"Like you did Mark? You'd be in the same position you are now. You'd never get what you're looking for." 

Jim frowned as he watched the exchange. It had been all he could do not to blow the whole thing by rushing out there when Silvas had shown up instead of Donovan. More proof of the deadly nature of the man's dealings. He obviously had no intention of letting Natalie leave alive after he'd gotten what he wanted. 

Agent Dennis had held up a hand in the wait motion. "She's perfectly safe, Detective Ellison. Let's just see where this goes." 

The agents had situated themselves around the area, and the monitor and recorders were set up in the next building over. 

Jim could sense Natalie's nervousness, hear the rapid heartbeat, and the tiny crack in her voice as she spoke, but otherwise, there were few indications of nerves. Jim knew he was the only one who could see the tiny bead of sweat trickling down her neck. 

A flash of surprise crossed Silvas' face. 

"Yeah, Mr. Donovan told me how you screwed up and killed Mark." Bravado filled her voice as she tried to coax a confession from the man. 

Silvas shook his head. "Donovan wanted him dead, no matter what he might have told you. I just shot a little too soon, that's all. Boss is a little pissed, but he'll get over it once I bring him back the book." 

Natalie shook her head. "No. I told you, I only deal with him." 

"Who do you think you are? Give me the book, bitch, or I'll not only do you, but everybody you know. You think you're so smart -- it took us what? An hour to trace you? How long do you think it'll take me to find that little brat of yours?" He reached behind him and pulled out a gun, complete with silencer, pointing it at the slowly backing woman. 

That was more than enough, and before Silvas knew what was happening, he was surrounded by agents, their own guns drawn. Silvas may have been a little out there, but he wasn't completely crazy. He threw his gun down and raised his hands, already asking to see a lawyer and offering to deal. 

Agent Dennis came up to where the three of them stood, grinning. "Good work, Ms. Barrett. It's not Donovan, but Silvas should give us enough to catch him." 

Tears filled Natalie's eyes as she watched Silvas led away. Blair put an arm around her shoulder. 

"Are you okay?" 

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm just glad it's over." 

Jim and Blair agreed. There was still a lot to discuss regarding the issue of Jesse, but that was for later. Right now, they just wanted to get away from the safe house and back to the loft. 

* * *

Jim noticed the cracked door as soon as they got out of the truck. He pulled his gun out, and Blair automatically shoved Natalie back into the vehicle. 

Agent Baffin cautiously pulled up behind the truck and got out, gun in hand as well, only to pull up short at Jim's raised hand. The agent quickly moved to the truck. "What's going on, Mr. Sandburg?" 

Blair shook his head. "I don't know yet. Stay here with Natalie." The agent nodded as Blair headed after Jim. 

Jim focused his hearing, only dropping his guard when he heard no heartbeats from the house or the surrounding area. When he put his gun away and started toward the house, Blair began to follow him in. 

"Wait. Chief." 

"What's up, man?" 

Jim turned back to Blair, not even trying to mask the worry in his eyes. "I don't hear any heartbeats, Chief." 

Blair blanched. "Jesse!" Only Jim's hand on his arm stopped him from rushing headlong into the house. 

"Blair. Let me go first. You stay out here with Natalie." He didn't say what he was afraid he'd find, but it was in his eyes as he looked at his partner. 

Jim walked through the door tentatively, not really wanting to face what was on the other side. He found a note on the kitchen table, addressed to Natalie. 

A quick search of the house turned up nothing, No sign of struggle, and no sign of Jesse or the agent that had been left to guard him. 

His face was grim as he went back to the door and motioned the other three in. 

Natalie's hands were shaking as she opened the folded paper. 

_I thought it'd be wise to take out a little insurance, just to make sure things go according to plan. You'll get your son when I have my book. Stay put. I'll call you at 3:00 p.m. Tsch... Natalie. The FBI? I am disappointed._

"No! Oh God!" Natalie collapsed against the sofa with a low wail that Blair echoed silently. At this point, it didn't matter if Jesse was his son or not. He'd grown to care for the kid in the short time he'd known him, and the idea of him alone, and scared, going through what he himself had been through so often, tore him up. 

A comforting hand was placed on his shoulder. "Jim..." 

"I know, Chief. You take care of Natalie while I call Dennis." 

Agent Baffin stood a silent vigil at the door, gun drawn and face pale. 

Surprise and consternation filled Dennis' voice when he heard the news. "Damn it! I'm sorry. I thought one agent would be enough to guard the kid since he wasn't a target. She volunteered for the duty, and I thought she was looking to make brownie points. Shit!" He advised them he'd have additional agents there in fifteen minutes, and also made a point to tell Jim not to do anything rash. He himself would be along after some preliminary questioning of Silvas, and he promised to try and find out where Donovan might have taken the boy. 

Jim was torn. He wanted to be present when Dennis questioned Silvas, but he didn't trust Blair and Natalie's welfare to Baffin or the agents on the way. Agent Ortiz was most likely either dead or had decided to pad her retirement fund. Either way, it didn't instill any confidence in the remaining group Dennis had working for him. Although to be fair, some of the agents were ones he'd commandeered from Seattle to fill out the small group he'd sent for from Atlanta, but Agents Baffin and Ortiz had been part of the original group that had come down with him. 

He hung up the phone, and Blair's eyes were filled with despair as he looked up from the couch where Natalie huddled against him. Jim's own heart clenched as he thought of Jesse out there, afraid and alone. The sense of protectiveness he felt was different from his normal, _protect the tribe_ urge. It was more primitive. Close to what he felt when Blair was in danger, but with an overwhelming sense of helplessness, and he wondered if this was what it was like to be a parent. If this was what his father had felt when he'd tried to cover up Jim's senses. 

* * *

"I don't know what book he's talking about." 

"You're sure Mark didn't give you anything?" Agent Dennis was pacing back and forth. 

Natalie shook her head. "I told you, he talked about having some insurance, but I never knew what, or where it was." 

"Damn it. When he calls you need to stall him for as long as you can. Silvas won't say a word until his deal is made, and we're waiting on someone for the Atlanta D.A.'s office to get back with us." 

The room was full of anxious people when the phone rang at 3 p.m. Jim wore the head-set so he could hear the conversation directly, without any tape distortion, hoping to get lucky and pick up something that might help. He didn't know what story Sandburg had come up with for Dennis, but the agent had reluctantly relinquished his place to the detective. 

Natalie was doing her best to stall, claiming that her access to the book was limited and that she couldn't get to it right away. Donovan chided her for her part in Silvas' arrest, and said he knew the Feds were listening in, and if she wanted her son back then she'd better get _access_ to the book. 

Jim listened intently, trying to separate Donovan's voice from the background noise. The low, musical hum seemed to grow in intensity, and it took him a moment to realize what it was. A train whistle. 

To be certain, he played the tape back after Dennis left the room to call and check on Silvas. Yep, it was definitely a train whistle. That placed them somewhere near the tracks, but where? 

Dennis came back into the room, practically shimmering with excitement. 

"Well?" 

He nodded. "Silvas is singing like a bird. According to him, Donovan's connection here has a place out near some place called Railtown? He knows what street, but not an exact address." 

Blair nodded. "Yeah, Railtown is the nickname of an area that was built up around the old tracks in South Cascade. We're about fifteen minutes away from there. Why would Donovan go there, though? He had to know Silvas knew about it." 

Dennis shrugged. "Who knows, maybe he was counting on loyalty to keep Silvas quiet, or fear, or money. It's the only thing we've got right now, and Ellison, you did say thought you heard a train whistle in the background." 

Jim pulled Blair to the side. "Chief, I want you to stay here with Natalie. We can't take a chance of leaving her with one of Dennis' agents." 

Blair shook his head. "No way, man. Megan and Joel are already on the way over. I'm going with you." 

"Chief..." 

Blair held up a hand. "Save it, Jim. Jesse needs the best chance he can get, and that's us... together." 

Jim looked into his lover's eyes, remembering the nervous kid, the anxious tagalong, and seeing now the confident man, the partner. "Together. Always, Chief." 

* * *

They pulled the car off to the side of the road, staring at the group of seemingly abandoned shacks. The area had slowly gone to pot as other forms of transport replaced the train in popularity, and now it was populated mostly by vagrants and crack houses. 

"It a far cry from the _most expensive room, in the most expensive hotel._ " 

Jim nodded. "Maybe that's the point. If you were looking for a noted high roller, would you look here?" 

"Good point. You hear anything?" Blair was making an effort to distance himself from the situation, to drop back into professional mode, and try not to think about the fact that it was Jesse in danger. 

Jim dialed up his hearing and sight straining for some sign of Jesse or Donovan. "Shit! I'm not getting anything." 

"Calm down, Jim, take a deep breath." Jim followed his guide's instructions, knowing Blair had sensed the fact that his emotions were overriding his focus. "Okay, partner, try it again." Blair settled a hand on his back, grounding his efforts. At first there was nothing, then gradually sounds started to infiltrate. There was a rustling sound that he couldn't make out, then muffled voices -- one high-pitched like a child's, then two others, deeper. They were coming from a ramshackle building that, from the faded and weather-beaten sign that hung drunkenly in front, used to be some sort of neighborhood store. 

"I think they're in there. Donovan, Jesse, and at least one other person." 

Blair nodded, and called Agent Dennis. They had convinced the agent to let them check it out alone, using the argument that too many cars in the area all of a sudden would only draw attention to them. They promised to notify him if Silvas' information panned out, and to wait for him before they made a move. 

It was only a few minutes before two other cars pulled up behind Jim's truck. Agent Dennis got out of the first one, and came forward, leaning in the window. "Are you sure they're there?" 

"At least two of them and Jesse." 

"My men are ready when I give the word." 

"We don't want to put Jesse in any more danger than he already is, by having your guys go off all gung-ho." Blair's voice was sharp. 

"Look, Mr. Sandburg, I know you think my only concern is catching Donovan, but I don't want anything to happen to the kid either. We do know what we're doing, despite what happened at the safe house, and these guys are hand picked. I trust all of them completely." 

Blair would much rather have had Jesse's well being in the hands of Major Crimes, but there wasn't a choice -- they were going to have to trust the agent. 

In the end, it happened fast. Dennis was right about his men. They placed themselves quietly and unobtrusively in points around the building. Closer now, Jim could detect various heartbeats, two steady, and one rapid. His own heart clenched at the tangible evidence of Jesse's fear. "Just hang on, kid. We're getting you out of there." 

It was a low mumble, but Blair heard and squeezed his shoulder with a small smile. His own fears subsiding somewhat. Unlike his feelings about Agent Dennis, he had all the confidence in the world in the man standing next to him. 

The plan was to go in the boarded up windows and both doors at the same time, hopefully catching Donovan and his accomplice off guard enough so Jesse would be the last thing on their minds. 

Just as planned, Donovan and the other man were rather too preoccupied with the sudden plethora of agents descending upon them to worry about their hostage. 

Jesse was sitting in the corner, knees tucked under his chin, eyes wide with fright, when Blair and Jim followed the agents in. Agent Dennis had refused to let them go in along with his men, and despite rigorous protests, there wasn't much they could do about the situation. 

At the sight of familiar faces, Jesse uttered a glad cry and launched himself at Blair, who was only too happy to catch him. He held Jesse tightly for a moment, savoring the solid weight in his arms, before pulling away. "You okay?" 

He noticed Jim conducting his own visual inspection as Jesse nodded. 

"Where's Mama?" 

Blair kept a hand in Jesse's as they talked, unwilling to stop touching the kid completely. "She's gonna meet us back at the loft. She can't wait to see you, buddy." 

"Can we go home now?" Jesse's voice was tentative as he clutched Blair's hand tighter. Blair felt the squeeze all the way to his heart. He looked questioningly at Jim, who nodded. 

He cleared his throat, "Let me go tell Dennis he can talk to Jesse later." 

* * *

"Good morning, Detective Ellison, Mr. Sandburg." The agent came out of Simon's office, and stood by Jim's desk. 

"You must be a pretty happy man." 

Dennis nodded. "Oh, I am, Mr. Sandburg. Donovan is still tight-lipped, but it turns out that the guy with him is a former employee. He moved up here about a year ago, but still kept ties with his old boss, and believe me, he is eager to tell everything he knows." 

Jim cocked an eyebrow. He guessed money didn't buy as much loyalty as it used to. Of course, there was a recession. "Seems like Donovan's unlucky with his choice of employees." 

A grin crossed his thin face. "Yeah, but it's very lucky for us." 

"So you won't need Jesse and Natalie to testify?" 

"No, with Silvas and this Robinson fellow, we should have more than enough to get a conviction." His eyes hardened for a moment. "We're still looking for Ortiz, but we will find her." Dennis stuck out his hand, shaking first Jim's, then Blair's. "Well, gentlemen, I know this hasn't been exactly a pleasure for you, but I do want to thank you both, and Ms. Barrett as well." 

* * *

"What about Jamie? If Jesse is his nephew, they deserve the chance to be in each other's lives." Blair found it ironic that this discussion was taking place in the same restaurant where he had reconnected with Natalie, but here, they could talk while Jesse was engrossed in video games. 

"Yeah, but if he's not, Chief, getting his hopes up is cruel." 

Natalie nodded. "Okay, so we wait until we know for sure, which is when?" 

Blair swallowed. "It takes about ten days to get the test results back." He'd gone into research mode when he gathered the information, trying to disassociate himself from what it actually meant. 

"So what do I tell my son? How do I tell him, I don't even know who his father is. I kept waiting for the day he would ask, you know, but he never has, and now, I don't know what to say to him." 

"Tell him the truth, Natalie. He's old enough to understand. Maybe not everything, but enough, and if you don't and he finds out later, it'll be much worse." Again Jim was identifying with Jesse, remembering the pain of learning that his father knew about his senses. The pain of finding out the true story of his mother's abandonment. 

Natalie sighed and closed her eyes. "So, how do we set up things?" 

"They take a swab, no blood or anything, and then send you the results. We don't even have to be together to find out." 

Jim watched Blair's face as his partner explained the procedure. "You don't want to do it, do you, Chief?" 

Blair trailed off, looking at Jim with a rueful smile. Sometimes his lover knew him better than he knew himself. "I don't know. It's like slamming a door, you know. I know I've always said it didn't bother me, not knowing who my father was, but the truth is, there was always a tiny part of me that fantasized about him showing up with some great excuse for not being around." He shrugged. "I guess a part of me still does." 

Natalie looked at them both in confusion. "You don't want to have the tests done?" 

Blair looked over at Jim, who nodded. "Whatever you decide, Chief, I'm behind you. In every way." 

Jim got the _look_ again. The one so full of love and admiration and awe, he swore there was a big 'S' on his chest. 

"I want Jesse to be a part of our family. You and Jesse both, Natalie. If Roy was here, it would be different, but he's not. Having the test won't change how I feel, so..." 

Natalie leaned back in the booth with a slightly stunned look on her face. "What you're offering, Blair..." 

Blair reached across the table and took her hand. "For a long time there was just Naomi and me really. Then there was Jim, and slowly, so many more, some through blood, some through bonds just as unbreakable as blood, and each time, my life, our lives, have been enriched immeasurably." 

Natalie nodded her head, tears in her eyes. "Okay." 

"So, we call Jamie, and then we talk to Jesse." 

* * *

Jim and Natalie went to pick up their take out order, leaving Blair alone with Jesse. The solemn look was back in the brown eyes as he stared at Blair. 

"You're gonna be my dad?" 

Blair took a deep breath. "Best I can, if you let me." 

Jesse looked down, fingers fiddling with the seam on his jeans. "What about Roy?" 

"Roy was my friend, and he was a good guy. And he would have been really glad to know about you. I'm sort of doing double duty, for both of us." 

Jesse nodded, his expression thoughtful. Blair knew the boy would have to think about the situation. It wasn't exactly conventional, but then again, Blair's life had never been conventional, so why start now? 

"You and Jim love each other, right?" 

The change in topic startled Blair. "Yeah." 

"Like boy-girl stuff? I mean, you're a couple, right?" 

"Yeah." Blair answered cautiously, really hoping his first official _dad_ duty wasn't going to be a talk about the birds and the bees, and all the other combinations floating around. 

Jesse nodded again. "He's really cool." 

Blair shared a grin with the boy. Recognizing another member of the Jim Ellison fan club in the making. "Yeah." He knew other things would come up, nothing was ever that easy, but for now, things were _cool_ , and in their life, he'd learned to appreciate such moments. 

* * *

Jim came out of the spare room with Natalie's suitcase in one hand and a chattering young boy attached to the other. Jim set the suitcase down, and Blair leaned over, giving Jesse a tight hug while Jim did the same to Natalie. 

"I can never thank you enough, you or Blair, for what you did for us." Natalie's brown eyes were glistened with tears as she turned and hugged Blair good-bye as well. 

"Call as soon as you get to San Francisco, okay?" 

"I will." 

Jim shook his head. "I still wish you'd let us drive down with you." 

Natalie shook her head. "We'll be fine. I start work at the agency Monday, surrounded by F.B.I. people." Dennis had arranged for Natalie to have a permanent job at one of the branch offices in San Francisco, another expression of gratitude for her help. "Besides, Agent Dennis said that since Silvas and Robertson are testifying, I shouldn't be of any concern to any of Donovan's associates." She gave them a wistful smile. "Anyway, it's time we get used to it being just the two of us again." 

Blair put a hand on her shoulder. "Whatever happens, Nattie, it won't be just the two of you anymore. You've got family in Cascade now. We'll see you soon." 

His statement engendered tears and another tight hug, before she got in the car and strapped in. 

Blair and Jim stood silently, arms around each other, as they watched the small green Honda until it faded from even Jim's sight. 

By some unspoken agreement, the subject didn't come up again until they lay in bed that night. 

Blair leaned back against the rails of the bed. "I have a lot of time to make up for with Jesse." 

"It's not your fault, Chief; it's not like you knew and ignored him all these years." 

Blair nodded. "I know, it's just... I guess it's really starting to hit me now, what we signed on for. Or rather, what I signed us both on for. I mean, our lives aren't child friendly. We attract danger like a magnet, plus we do have a few secrets to keep." 

"I told you, I'm one hundred percent behind you on this." Jim reached up and pulled Blair from his sitting position, settling him in his arms. "It gives a whole new spin to the choices our parents made though." 

Blair nodded as he snuggled in. "Oh, yeah, man. Your dad, and my mom going it pretty much alone. Grace and my dad missing out. I don't know if I'm ready to be this grown up, Jim." 

Jim knuckled tangled curls. "Don't worry about it, you'll never be that grown up." 

"Thanks." 

Jim ignored the sarcasm, his voice turning serious. "A lot of the stuff, the secrets, the danger, they wouldn't be as much of an issue if it wasn't for the cop thing." 

Blair froze for a moment before sitting up to look his partner in the eye incredulously. "The cop thing?" 

"Yeah. I mean, I've just been thinking, you know, considering other options maybe." 

"Because of Jesse?" 

"No, not just him, a lot of things. Bullets before breakfast. The fact that we spend so much of our time lying and trying to come up with explanations for every sound, and smell, and sight I experience that I'm not supposed to." 

Blair shifted in his arms, turning wide eyes on him. "Jim..." 

"You can't be in outer Timbuktu if you're tied to a desk in Cascade, Blair." 

"You're making me nervous here, man." 

Jim leaned down and place a soft kiss on his lover's forehead. "I don't mean to, Chief. It's just something that's been kind of floating around in the back of my mind. Even before everything with Jesse and Natalie came up." 

"And you're just now telling me this?" 

Jim shrugged. "Look, Chief, it's not like I've decided anything, or even like I've been seriously contemplating it, just... it's there, that's all." 

Blair stifled the remark begging to burst out of his mouth and took a deep breath before settling back down against his partner. It was definitely there all right, and he had a feeling it was going to be following him around like a damn pink elephant from now on. He sighed as Jim's arms wrapped tighter around him; his last thought, before he drifted off to sleep, was how he could have given his body, heart and soul to somebody who could be so completely clueless sometimes. 

* * *

End SVS2-08: Past Imperfect by Ceares: FiveSenses@yahoogroups.com

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